


Everything He Wouldn't Let Himself Say

by oliviathecf



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics), Green Lantern (Comics)
Genre: Cheating, Friends to Lovers Gone Wrong, Hal cheats on Barry in this one, Longing, M/M, Rivals to Lovers, Rough Sex, Wall Sex, read the notes, sorry Barry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-04 08:58:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17301692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oliviathecf/pseuds/oliviathecf
Summary: He thought that there were things that he should just let break.





	Everything He Wouldn't Let Himself Say

**Author's Note:**

> Like last year, this first fic of the year comes from a very personal place. 
> 
> I also just wanted to state that I don't like HalBarry and I'm pretty open about this fact. But this fic doesn't bash HalBarry or the people who like it or Barry in general. Barry isn't the bad guy in this fic, really no one is (maybe Hal), Barry was just the poor sap who fell in love with Hal Jordan. This fic does get pretty critical about the friends to lovers trope, which is for personal reasons.
> 
> The title for this one is original, something I want to do more of in 2019. If you want a song, Full Control by Snail Mail was what I had going on repeat while writing this.
> 
> Enjoy.

Happiness wasn’t something that Hal found easy to come by these days, with the League and with his personal life. Carol had left him for the next last time, and he found himself on the doorstep of his close friend. Barry let him in and gave him that familiar smile just when he was craving familiarity.

Barry didn’t make a move on him just then, but it only took a few more times of what Hal thought was them hanging out for Barry to kiss him. And he let it happen, two beers in and feeling more alone than ever. He tangled fingers into short blond hair and let Barry pull him into his lap.

It was nice, Barry cared about him and Hal enjoyed being around him. So he let Barry take him to bed, let him slide his cock inside of him and fuck him sweetly, and he even stayed the night. After that point, Barry started to take him out occasionally, paying for dinner most of the time. It was easy and it made sense to be with someone who cared about him. 

When Barry started to call him his boyfriend, Hal smiled softly and let it happen. It had been three months after all, it just felt like the natural progression of things. Others told them that it was about time, that they had seen it coming, that they had been rooting for them to get together. Hal just couldn’t help but wonder what they had seen it in, in which interactions of theirs.

Because he still didn’t see it.

When Barry held him close, when they kissed, when they fucked, there was a part of it that always felt a little bit wrong. Barry told him that he had always wanted them to be together, that he had wanted them to work things out. Hal could see the happiness written on his face and he found himself wondering if he could learn to mirror that look, if he would ever feel it too.

Maybe he could learn to be happy with what Barry offered him. Maybe it would even become real, maybe it could be love.

Or maybe it couldn’t be. But Hal didn’t want to break his heart, not when Barry had wanted him for so long. He wanted to give it a chance, even though he knew it would be much harder as time went on.

At least being a Green Lantern made things easier, coming to the window in the form of Guy Gardner’s broadly smirking face. 

“I would’ve ringed ya, but I was in the area and I thought I’d just come and get you.” Guy explained, hovering above Barry’s carpet and looking between them with an even wider smirk.

He seemed to find it funny, scoffing softly when Barry pulled him in for one last kiss and told him to be safe out there, that he would be counting the days down until his return.

Hal didn’t look back as they left through the window, didn’t talk until Guy did first.

“How long has that been a thing, Jordan?”  
“A few weeks. Or months, I don’t know exactly.”

Guy seemed to find that funny in a way, if the wry twist of his lips was anything to go by, but he didn’t say anything else until they reached Oa.

The mission they went on went well enough, they got what they needed to do done and that was what mattered at the end of the day. When Guy offered to buy the first round, he accepted even though he knew that he could’ve dipped out and went back home to spend more time with Barry. Truth be told, though, he was enjoying his time with Guy and he didn’t want to go back to Earth quite yet. 

There was something easy about being up in space and, if he was being really honest, in being with Guy. It wasn’t perfect, they fought more often than not, but it wasn’t ever something he had to force. Whether they were fighting or sharing a beer, it wasn’t something he had to fake. 

Guy slung his arm around Hal’s shoulder after what was probably too many drinks, definitely not enough drinks, and turned towards him with a broad grin on his face. Hal was struck by his brutish charm, the strong line of his jaw with a smattering of ginger stubble after a few days without shaving, and the curved bow of his lips when he smiled.

Had Guy always been that attractive?

It was a question that he couldn’t answer, one that he wouldn’t let himself answer. Instead, he raised the bottle from his lips and drank deeply from it. If he let himself answer the question that he never let himself ask before, the answer would be far too obvious for a man who had a boyfriend waiting for him at home. 

Home. It was something said with another question mark, but it was a question that he forced himself to answer. Barry _was_ home. He had to be home, because he wanted to be Hal’s home. Earnest, sweet, caring Barry who had always loved him. That was how it was supposed to be, friends falling in love after years of points of attraction. 

It wasn’t like he hadn’t ever felt it. There were points where he looked at Barry’s smiling face and thought that, maybe, it could happen. And it did happen, and it was something that should make him say finally, with an exclamation point at the end of the sentence. 

When Barry had kissed him, it was a question that was answered, one that had been in the back of his mind. Hal just wasn’t sure if it were the answer he wanted or if it were the answer that he wanted himself to want. Whether it were a culmination of the feelings passing between them, or the question of what his best friend’s tongue would feel like in his mouth, he wasn’t sure but he knew that the first answer was the right one.

Which was why he hated himself for wondering what it would feel like if Guy kissed him right then and there, right in front of the bar. It felt good to be tucked under his arm, it felt good to _wonder_ about something. There was no mystery behind his relationship with Barry, friends got together all the time, it was supposed to feel right.

But it didn’t feel right, not as right as his hand sliding up to rest on Guy’s muscular thigh, not as right as the way Guy’s grin turned questioning when he turned to look at him. 

He quirked an eyebrow up but his eyes slid down to look at Hal’s mouth, and Hal wondered if he were going to go out of his way to ruin something that was supposed to be a good thing for some thrill. Or if that was all that Guy was to him, just some cheap thrill.

Was he just built to hurt people or did the look he gave Guy, the tilt of his eyes towards the door, that unspoken question, could it mean more?

He didn’t know. No one was telling him how he should feel, there was no voice in his head that said he should feel lucky for this, that this was that big movie kiss at the end of those rom-coms that always activated his fight-or-flight response. And that was the excitement he found himself craving, that delicious unknown point. A real, honest question. 

Guy seemed to be asking himself the same question, hesitating as Hal got up and looked at him one last time, moving toward the door. He was behind him when they finally left, and no one asked them any questions.

He could see the look that John was giving him, always perceptive, disappointment written clear on his face. Hal was disappointed in himself as well, but that didn’t give him pause. If he stopped whenever he found himself disappointed in his own actions, he probably would’ve found a way to make it work with Carol before Barry even became a part of the equation.

He didn’t want to stop, didn’t want to be left with just the memory of Guy’s hand warm on his hip as they left the bar together. Guy didn’t ask any questions, didn’t remind him that he had someone waiting for him on Earth, and Hal wondered if Barry was even worrying about this. If he had seen the way they acted around each other when no one else was around, if he could even guess that it was Guy Gardner he would see behind his back.

Hal wondered when he was supposed to feel bad, if it was the first time he shivered when Guy’s eyes raked over his face that night or if it was when he steered Guy up against a nearby wall and finally, _finally_ pressed their lips together.

He was kissing Guy Gardner. And it felt good. It felt good to have his hands on his body, fingers curling around the back of his thick neck, pulling him in even closer. Guy’s hands moved down to his hips, pulling him in closer, and he could feel the stirrings of an erection through his uniform, knew that Guy could feel his as well.

He didn’t want to pull away, was content for them to have their way with each other right then and there, but Guy chuckled against his lips and pulled back.

“Geez, Jordan, you wanna put on a show?” Guy murmured, voice low and rough in a way that had him shivering all over again.

He leaned in to kiss him again, just because he could, pressing their lips together once, twice.

“Maybe.”

Guy chuckled at that, resting their foreheads together, looking up into his eyes.

“Shit,” He mumbled, “should we even do this, Hal?”

It was the closest he was going to get to addressing the situation, the one that they would both rather forget about. There were so many ways that he could answer, the good and the bad. He could say that they shouldn’t, that they should just leave it at one really good kiss. He could say that Guy was the one he really wanted, that he was the question that he finally got an answer to.

Instead, he let out a short noise that was caught between a groan and a moan, canting his hips forward.

“Probably not.” 

And he kissed Guy again, tongue sliding into his mouth. An unspoken answer to a spoken question.

Eventually, they made it somewhere a little more private, where Guy’s hands could slide over him eagerly, reverently, and Hal could touch him in kind. Behind closed doors, they could avoid everything and anything that wasn’t the way they fit together. That deliciously imperfect way that Guy’s hands pulled his hair a little when he ran his fingers over his scalp.

He missed the unknowns. He missed being the one to initiate a kiss. Hal couldn’t help but feel a little vindictive for some reason, like he was getting back at something with each and every touch.

Maybe it wasn’t Barry. Maybe it was against himself, that voice that told him that he should be happy with being comfortable when comfort wasn’t something he wanted. Was it self ruination or was it something entirely different from what he usually did to himself?

Maybe this was exactly where he wanted to be.

He was pulled out of his mind with Guy’s hands cradling his face, holding their eyes together, and he knew that they didn’t need to talk. Guy didn’t need to explain anything to him, they didn’t need to connect the dots between moments and glances and touches.

There was nothing to explain. Maybe this was exactly where he needed to be.

They kissed again, Hal leading Guy back until he was pressed up against the wall, looking into those green eyes. He was done overthinking things, something he needed to do when he was with Barry. There was no explaining this, no excusing it, there was just the way they pressed together and the way they looked together.

“What do you want?” Guy asked, and Hal thought that he wanted _everything_  
“Fuck me.” He said instead, smirking at Guy.

Guy wasn’t one to stand down from the challenge in Hal’s voice, making a noise between a moan and a growl as he kissed him yet again.

“Yeah?” He said between frantic kisses, “Want me to fuck you right here against this wall?”

He rolled his hips forward as his response, catching their erections together in a way that had Guy growling and pushing his face forward to lick and kiss at his neck, teeth pressed just above the high collar of his uniform. Hal wished that he could bite down, marking him, leaving some evidence of what they had done. 

Something Hal couldn’t explain away. 

Instead, Guy continued to move his mouth down until he hit Hal’s uniform. He didn’t need to ask, the energy fabric disappearing with a flex of his will. His jacket hit the ground quickly after, giving Guy more access to his skin. It wasn’t enough though, his shirt quickly joining his jacket on the floor around their feet, Guy trailing kisses down his chest, tongue flicking out to lick at his nipple.

Hal groaned, head hitting the wall behind him as he tilted it back, losing himself in the sensation of Guy’s mouth and tongue, and the feeling of his hair under his bare hands. His other hand moved up to the back of his neck where the hair was shorter than it was on the top of his head.

Guy slipped to his knees in front of him, pushing his face to the front of his pants, hot open mouthed kisses that felt electric even through the barrier of his pants. Guy wouldn’t ever admit that he wanted to do this to Hal, but he could see it in his eyes, and that just made it better.

Clumsy hands opened his pants, hurriedly fumbling with his button and fly to push his pants and briefs down just enough that his hard cock sprang free. He was already leaking pre-cum, a thick bead at the flushed head of his cock that Guy thumbed away just to watch more well up. He shot Hal a heated look before his hands curled around his thighs, standing up and lifting Hal up with him.

Hal would deny that the noise he made was a squeak, but it was definitely pitched and breathy, hands holding on tightly as Guy lifted him like he weighed nothing. Guy slung his legs around his shoulders, pushing his head in and taking the head of his cock onto his tongue. He lapped the pre-cum away, holding Hal’s cock onto his tongue for a few moments as their eyes met.

The eye contact had them both shivering, one of Hal’s hands slipping from his head to where Guy’s hands rested on his thighs. It was that beat, that moment of being entirely on the same wavelength, that had Hal moaning loudly when Guy started to take his cock into his mouth.

Guy bobbed his head up and down, taking Hal’s cock into his hot wet mouth over and over again. He was sloppy, drool slipping down his chin, but that just made it feel even better.

“God, your fucking mouth!” Hal panted, back bowing slightly, ankles crossed against his back.

He held Hal up with ease, something that turned him on even further, made him wonder just how much of it was the ring and how much of it was just his raw strength. When their eyes met again, he could see the way lust clouded his eyes like a fog, watery green with pupils blown wide, and it had him cursing all over again.

Guy’s mouth on him felt absolutely incredible, a frantic exploration of all the ways to make his hips thrust forward. He touched him like he wasn’t about to break, or maybe like he wanted him to break, and maybe Hal wanted to break. Wanted Guy to shatter him into a million pieces because maybe it was what he deserved.

He hardly registered the glow of green until Guy was pushing a bottle of lube that he had pulled from his bedside table into one of Hal’s hands. Guy didn’t pull his mouth off of him, but he drew back a little, holding his hand out so Hal could pump some of the lube into it. The sight made him shiver again, he was finally going to get what he wanted, what a part of him had always wanted from Guy.

He soon learned that Guy’s fingers were absolutely huge, just one of them had his mouth falling open in a ragged pant, breathing growing heavy as he got used to the feeling of Guy starting to work him open.

“Fuck, you’re tight.” Guy moaned, voice rough, licking saliva off of his lips.

He trailed off like he wanted to say something else, mouth returning to suck Hal’s cock like he was stopping himself, and Hal wondered what he was going to say. Wondered if it was about Barry and if he stopped himself because he just didn’t want to think about who Hal was going to go home to, if he was going to go home at all.

The thought that Guy thought he was using him was the first time that Hal felt real guilt about what they were doing, and he wondered what that said about him. Instead of thinking about it, he stroked over Guy’s face reverently and hoped that it conveyed the sort of curious longing he had felt for Guy for a long time, throughout their worst fights and best moments.

There was so much he wanted to say, so much that he wouldn’t let himself say. 

Instead, he kept his mouth shut and watched as Guy noisily sucked at the head of his cock. Guy’s finger slowly started to stretch Hal open, thrusting it in and out of him shallowly. After a few slow moments of that, he started to work the second one in, a slow grind that had Hal trying to push in to get a bit more. The burn of him kept him in the moment, let him know that it wasn’t just another dream he had to explain away to Barry.

He was finally getting what he wanted, and he wondered what it would be like if he let himself speak. Let himself tell Guy that he was the one he thought about at night, taking him hard after they fought, fucking slowly after a long mission. Hell, Hal thought about waking up next to him in the morning, Guy rolling on top of him to sleepily ride him before the world woke up with them.

Would he scare Guy off, or would Guy rise up to the challenge of imperfect happiness. Or maybe Guy just saw this as a fuck, nothing more, and he’d just laugh off what Hal said. But he had seen the way Guy looked at him when he thought he didn’t, those eyes boring into the back of his head.

He had seen the look on his face when he came in and saw him with Barry. That look of disappointment.

But maybe Hal just missed excitement on his life, and Guy was the closest thing to it. He couldn’t say, every emotion in his mind swirling together with the pleasure of Guy’s fingers crooking up and brushing against that spot inside of him that had him moaning loudly. So he didn’t speak, instead he gripped Guy’s hair and pulled him off of him, looking into his eyes.

“Fuck me.” He said, shortly, desperately.

Guy wasn’t about to deny him, grabbing once more for the bottle of lube and slipping a hand down lower to stroke his own cock with a slicked hand. He hadn’t even noticed that Guy had taken his uniform off, still using his ring’s power to hold Hal up if the unnatural green tinge of his eyes was to go by.

There was no more to say, no more to overthink. There was just Guy, lowering him down slowly onto the head of his cock to give him what he wanted. What they both wanted, if the desperate look in his eyes was anything to go off of.

From that angle, they could kiss again. Instead, Hal rested their foreheads together, looking into his eyes as the head of Guy’s cock popped inside of him. They gasped together, sharing the same air. Hal fought to keep his eyes open when they wanted to squeeze shut, he wanted to take in everything they shared together, didn’t want to lose himself to it.

This was real and it was _undeniable_.

Guy’s hands gripped at his hips, tight enough that he found himself worried about bruising. The first thrust had them both gasping again, Hal’s own noise trailing off into a soft grunt. 

It wouldn’t last, it couldn’t last. Not with the way they were clawing at each other as they started up a rhythm that was too quick, too much. Hal wanted it to slow down, wanted Guy to fuck him so hard that he felt it for days, he just _wanted_.

Everything he wanted to say bubbled up in his throat, a desperate plea for everything and nothing. Instead, he brought their lips together, kissing him deeply, and he hoped that it was enough to convey everything he wouldn’t let himself say.

Guy’s cock felt huge inside of him, pushing up against that spot as he stopped thrusting and started a low, slow grind. Hal shook and moaned in his arms, clutching Guy just as Guy held him like he was going to lose him. Guy panted, drawing Hal in for another kiss, and then another one. He knew that Guy didn’t want it to end because he didn’t want it to end, and they were moving in a sort of frantic synch.

They were both close, Hal could feel it from the way Guy shivered against him. His hand closed around Hal’s erection, stroking him in time with the renewed rhythm, finally losing control of that practiced grind of his hips. With one last slam of his hips, Guy made a noise between a growl and a moan, cumming hard inside of him.

“Fuck!” He barked, inelegantly, back bowing as he shook through his orgasm.

He continued to fuck Hal through it, stroking him until he too was cumming, painting both of their chests with ropes of hot cum. With the last burst of his energy, Guy carried him over to the bed, pulling out of him as he laid Hal out and climbed in next to him.

They panted through the last of it, laying together, looking into each other’s eyes. Guy’s fingers traced over his hip as they caught their breath, Hal could feel what he was writing over and over again, the names he was writing.

_B-A-R-R-Y_  
_G-U-Y_  
_B-A-R-R-Y_  
_B-A-R-R-Y_  
_G-U-Y_

Guy paused in his writing, looking away from Hal and finally speaking.

“Are you...going to go? I mean, to be with him?” He mumbled, stumbling over his words in a way that he hadn’t heard Guy ever do before.

“I,” Hal started, throat going dry, “I should.”

When Guy spoke again, his voice didn’t shake. He was laying everything out for Hal in a way that they had pointedly refused to do before. But there was nothing left to do but talk about what had happened, what could happen.

“Don’t. Stay here with me.”  
“I can’t. Barry...I like Barry a lot. He’s really nice.”

Guy leaned in, their lips brushing together. 

“If you liked him a lot, you wouldn’t have come home with me. Stay. Please.”

He shouldn’t, he should shake him off and find a way to start apologizing to Barry. He would forgive him, it wouldn’t take long. 

But maybe he didn’t want Barry to forgive him. So he closed the distance between them, kissing Guy once, and speaking honestly for the first time in months.

“Okay. I’ll stay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Feel free to leave some hate (or love) either here or at my various social media pages:
> 
>  
> 
> [ Fic Blog ](http://fanfictionolivia.tumblr.com/)  
> [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/fficolivia)  
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